A Caucasian adoptive parent of an African American child asked how to handle questions of those who ask about his adopting, origin, his story:
I don’t want him to feel like the poster child of adoption. I’m glad this happened today, though, because it opened my eyes to needing to be more prepared to how to respond to people like this in the future. Has anyone encountered anything similar? How did you respond?
I responded:
I’m not sure if it’s “healthy” but when people start to get on my nerves. I use humor. There are days I just don’t feel like educating the world. You know? So when someone asks me why my daughter is so “light” (she’s biracial, and my birth child), I say something stupid like “she doesn’t get much sun” or “really, I hadn’t noticed.” Now I’m sure I come off like a jerk sometimes, but really, I just can’t handle those types of questions everyday. Her father, who’s white, and I joked that we should give her a spanish sounding name and everyone would just assume she was Puerto Rican and then she wouldn’t have to deal with questions.
I think it’s wonderful that we all want the best for our children and sometimes we just want things to be easy for them. Unfortunately it’s just never easy. I’m AA and I remember being annoyed at a very young age because white kids would ask tons of questions about my hair. Looking back, I realize a few things. First, I often lived in predominantly white neighborhoods and I was likely the first black kid they could ask. Second, sometimes kids aren’t cruel, they’re just curious. Third, there were times kids were actually envious of my hair! Go figure, some little CC girls wish they could have cornrows and there were little CC boys that wanted to be able to shave designs in their hair (that was big back in the day).
Today, I try to embrace and appreciate the differences. Your son will likely react the way you do. Though I tend to be cynical and sarcastic, I’ve tried to tone it down. I want my daughter to respond with grace, dignity, and calm. Still I love to poke fun at stereotypes. When my daughter was born, she was very pale, she looked “white.” I joked that in my neighborhood (a lot of commuters and well to do people), I would look like the nanny. I’m sure you’ll find the way that works for you. Best of luck.
Tags: adoptive parent, Adoptive Parents, african american child
